Have you ever had a dream so real, so vivid that it touched you deep into your soul? Have you ever missed someone so badly that your heart ached at the thought of their name? Well, combine the two and that happened for me last night.
It was already a fairly sleepless night and I've been feeling rather unmotivated lately when it comes to losing weight (I need to drop 100 pounds) and also when it comes to housework. While not sleeping last night I did some serious praying to God. I asked that he place in me a motivation that doesn't quit. A reason to do what I know needs to be done. A pure desire and willingness. He did that in one dream.
Now, many of my dreams I would relate to as a old black and white movie. Little or no color and very little talking or sound. It's more like watching something happen as opposed to living it. Not this dream. Everything was sharp, clear, colorful and the sounds to go with. Mainly it was me, Gram, Papa and my little 'nephew' Jackson.
We were sitting in a living room much like the one that Gram and Papa used to have when they lived in Oregon City on Clairmont Way. Gram and Papa were sitting in their recliners and I was sitting on the floor playing with Jackson. It didn't seem odd to me to see Gram, I somehow knew she had already passed away over 20 years ago but it was her. I knew it was the morning that Papa was going to pass away. He was lucid and talking with me, nothing to deep, just recalling memories together.
Around that time Gram began to talk. She told me that today was the day, that her and Papa would finally be back together. I agreed. I told her that yes, I knew it was time for him to go home and while I would miss him greatly I knew he was going to be in Heaven and I was OK with that. I also told Gram how much I had missed her over the last several years. She told me that she knew, she had been watching me and was proud of the woman I had become. She was glad that I was growing up to become a woman of God and that I had found a husband who also had a strong belief in Christ. She told me how she had watched my children grow, how she was proud of all three of them. She was happy that I liked to be with all of my 'adopted' nephews and made sure I knew to take special care of Jackson.
The three of us talked for the longest time, just catching up really on what Gram had missed here on earth. Over and over again she reassured me that Heaven is such a wonderful place and I shouldn't miss her or Papa or my Uncle Nicky. Finally the three of us embraced in the strongest hug that I have ever felt. We began singing a simple song, three words, "Thank You Jesus" over and over again. I can still hear it in my head as I type this. She then told me it was time for her and Papa to leave me and return to Heaven where they belonged. In an instant I felt this weightlessness come over me and they quickly disappeared.
I awoke to something tickling my arm, at first in my dream it was Jackson climbing on me as he so often does but when I woke up it was really Wayne rubbing his hand on my arm. I told him about my dream, how it made me feel and how desperately I wanted to remember it.
I wish I could explain the feeling that it gave to me but really, words can not describe it. It was such a glorious dream and I am so thankful to God for giving it to me. With all of the struggles in life that both Gram and Papa faced I realize what breathtaking lives they both lived to the fullest. If they can do it under the circumstances they faced, surely I can do the same.
